However, Rachel recently said in class that she changed her alignment because her old one was no longer motivating her to do her project. I felt the same about mine so I did some thinking and decided I needed a change as well.
I feel like I have absorbed a lot of the self-care practices I have been using. There are things that when I chose this alignment I hoped I could achieve, but it doesn't align with my most important goal, which is to pass my classes and finish school. Self care kept telling me to go to bed early, prioritize myself over my work... which hasn't worked out too well. I have a hard time working on anything because I'd rather be taking time for myself.
I thought, what would motivate me to do my projects? What is the thing that gets me excited about my work? What makes me feel good?
Beauty.
Making beautiful art, and beautifying my home... that is the goal.
I experimented with it this week, and tried to find little ways to make my space more beautiful. Part of that was the pictures I put on my desk. I also used to have a fern on my desk that was looking pretty shabby. So I replaced it with a simple lucky bamboo, planted in a ceramic pot that I made myself. I also rearranged my giraffe collection in my bedroom and hung up my antique style map that makes me feel like home.
I guess the goal is not only to have a clean house or a beautiful house, but make it MY house. Since I moved in with Thad I haven't really felt like it's our place, more like he was sharing his place with me. It's nothing he's done, it's just me feeling insecure and unimportant. So doing these little things like putting up maps and lighting candles and putting out pictures of my family make it feel a little more like my space too, because I deserve to have some sanctuary that makes me feel safe and at home.
Beauty doesn't have to just be visual things either. You can smell, taste, hear, and even feel things that are beautiful. For example, I made a home cooked meal today, which made the house smell beautiful and tasted even more so. And we lit candles as we sat down to dinner, with beautiful music playing in the background.
The recently vacuumed floor feels much better on my feet, and we just replaced the sheets on the bed with nice soft cotton ones, which feel nice.
As I surround myself with beautiful things and experiences, I will begin to notice things that are less beautiful and work to make them better. Instead of ignoring the dog toys lying all over the floor, I grabbed a crate and put them all in it so the dogs can grab out toys when they want and we have a place to put them when they're not in use.
So as I work to declutter and clean my home, I have two criteria for whether something stays or goes.
1. Does it actually serve a purpose or have I used it in the last month?
2. Is it beautiful?
Sometimes things don't have to serve any other purpose but to beautify a space. Bonus points if it's functional AND beautiful (like handmade ceramic pots!)
So far I like this new alignment. We'll see how it goes.
Sorry for the long post, but I was kind of working all of this out as I wrote. A lot of this was vague ideas to me until I got it into words.
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